wear my insides on my outside.
i want to fade away into that complex starving artist.
i want you to see me, as me.
and i can't wait to run into you
once the scale drops..to..weightless.
i am
so overcome with self hatred in this moment i dont feel like i can move, breath, think, function, get out of bed,or live life today.
and now is the worst time as today will be an important day.
why why why why why why.
just fucking WHY..
sorry its been so long since i posted.
i am a fucking disaster.
Party Animal?
why. why. why.
I do so well and then I can’t resist substances.
I had black coffee, water, and 100 calories of mango yesterday at one meal. Just as I had planned.
However I went out and though I fought the urges hard to not drink, I couldnt help it. I gave in. After not being able to think of anything else for an hour I finally my brain said “fuck it hand me one.”
And I drank, then I smoked which obviously makes you even more hungry.
So intake yesterday ( I count yesterday until 3 am when I got home and went to bed?)
black coffee,
water,
mango - 100 calories,
alcohol-500? (oh god :{)
2 pieces of toast, bagel with pb- 500
1,100 calories total NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
fuckkkk.
So i’m not fucking eating today or the next day or the next fucking day, then i will resume with my one meal a day thing. goddamnit.
anyone knows any quicker ways to fix this would be greatly appreciated.
I’m going to drink laxative/diuretic tea and exercise.
But inbox me if anyone has anything else that cleans you out quickly and effectively please :(
I hope everyone else is doing well and I am so sorry I messed up, ugh.
so perfect.
<love
PS. inbox me anyways if you’d like to ask any questions, i am quite bored and need to get out of my own head :)
Tuesday Sep 9 @ 10:01amAnonymous asked: i had nothing all day but one coffee, but then i went out at night and had alcohol = calories :/ but i'm fasting tomorrow so nothing but water! thanks for being someone to confide in, it's helped me so much and i've already seen a huge difference:) hope you're doing well!
No problem I’m reallly glad you are doing well! At least all you had was liquids and it wasn’t a crazy binge or anything :) good luck on your fast and if you need any support dont hesitate to inbox me :)!
Monday Sep 9 @ 04:51pmTodayy
I miss kissing your neck.
:(
broken hearts suck, wouldnt you agree?
but down to skinny..
black coffee all day so far. 0 calories.
customized denim shorts and will be doing my nails.
I need to get some water in me as well, i’m getting a headache.
Anonymous asked: You can be small without losing all that weight. I'm currently a size 0/00 depending on the brand and im 120 lbs. Why do you need to have all your bones sticking out to be beautiful?
Well I don’t know your height, the size of your body frame, how much of that weight is muscle instead of fat etc. But it’s not just about beauty really. Thats just something to focus on besides the fact that I am reallly doing this because I obviously have a control problem haha.
Monday Sep 9 @ 02:03pmAnonymous asked: hey! so i took your advice on the 200 calories or less and i think my overall consumption was around the 175/200 mark. i want to decrease that tomorrow though. so i think i'm just going to drink coffee, do you think that's wise? and loaaaads of water:) i hope you're still achieving what you want and thanks so much for the support, <3
congratulations! I am so glad you are doing well and if you feel you are ready to decrease I say go for it :) coffee will fill you up and give you energy so that will be a huge help :D Keep up the good work ;)!
Monday Sep 9 @ 01:59pmsorry for the lack of update
ive been gone away for a few days.
I was doing wonderfully, I hadnt eaten anything more than salad and onions with mustard. My size 2 jeans were fitting just fine. (my goal is double 0’s or less)
but as of yesterday (and sadly, today as well)
my mother and her new boyfriend loaded me with food.
I mean seriously, loaded. Making these large outrageous meals and filling my plate.
I am bloated, angry, but not yet defeated.
I feel like shit about this but I am determined to get fucking scrawny ass thin.
I drank cranberry weight loss tea and im chugging water, i need to get rid of this bloat.
tomorrow morning i will be waking up and hitting the elliptical and then taking a long brisk walk.
also,
I am only going to be having, at most, 1 meal a day; of 100 - 200 calories.
Daily exercise as well burning off at the very least 300 calories, but in the end stages of this plan I will most likely up the minimum burning to 500-700 calories so i can maximize weight loss once my metabolism has dropped.
The only foods allowed are : apples, grapefruit, and frozen mango.
I have this plan written out in detail for the next 50 days.
I will be posting pictures and stats when 50 days are up.
(September 36th to November 15th)
Please wish me luck and support, I plan to be at my goal weight of 93 pounds by this final date.
<legs!
Today
Barely any sleep, tired, in pain.
Black coffee for breakfast.
Anonymous asked: I can assure you you're far, far, far from fat. I'm sure you're beautiful, but I'm sure you'd be beautiful no matter what you looked like. It's important to feel comfortable in your skin, and to be the person that you wanna be, but it makes me sad that you have to deny yourself something so basic to be that way. I hope you're happy, but I wish that all of you could be happy and healthy at the same time. <3
This is incredibly kind and I truly appreciate it. I wish every day that I wasn’t like this, and no, it does not bring happiness. I truly don’t think happiness even exists for me anymore. But I hope that you have some sort of happiness in your life as well, because even to go out of your way to write this really shows that you have a good heart. Thank you so much.
Thursday Sep 9 @ 11:00pmintake
its 11 at night, i can’t sleep.I guess that’s not too late, but considering the day i have had i should be passed out.
I assure you, it was hell.
but,
my daily intake was:
black coffee, water, lettuce and onions with mustard - 65 calories total.
I feel extremely fat and hungrier as this night goes on and i hate it.
I am in a really bad mood and wish i wasn’t, i need help :( I’m in the worst situations constantly and I wanna runaway. blehhh. :(
